Our Second Trip Without My Husband: Learning to Live Again💫
Finding Strength on the Journey
As we set out on our second trip without Kingsley, the emotions ran deeper than ever. It was a bittersweet reminder of the love we shared and the life I’m learning to rebuild. This time, we were with our closest family friends… one of the few one who have held us up through the darkest days and still continue to.
In Majorca, Spain 🇪🇸 While being surrounded by love and laughter is a gift, the absence of Kingsley, who used to bring light to every gathering, was felt in every moment.
Watching my children laugh and play was a beautiful moment, a sign of healing, even though the emptiness was palpable.
The kids ran around, playing and laughing, blissfully unaware of the heaviness we carried. It was beautiful and heartbreaking all at once. Watching my children’s joy should’ve been easy, but I was stuck between a smile and tears. Life moves forward, yet the space Kingsley left behind remains.
Grief isn’t just for immediate family; it’s for everyone whose life he touched. I watched as his closest friends, family, grown men and women…broke down, missing him as deeply as I do. The man who made us all laugh, who somehow kept us together, isn’t here, and we’re still learning how to navigate life without him. But it is also a reminder: we’re all in this together.
The Weight of the Little Things
Traveling as a sole parent brings challenges that sometimes make the loss feel like a fresh wound. One evening at the resort, our daughter fell ill. Normally, Kingsley and I would have split responsibilities—he would’ve taken care of the other two while I tended to her or vice versa. But it’s all on me now. As I held her hand and led her back to our room, leaving the other kids to attend the evening entertainment alone with friends. My heart felt like it was shattering all over again.
By the time we reached our room, the weight of it all was too much. I tried to put on a brave face, but tears fell as I held her close. My friends stepped in, watching my other two kids and trying to keep them entertained, but I could feel the isolation and the responsibility pressing down hard.
One moment from that night stands out clearly. I watched my daughter on a video call to reassure her she wasn’t alone, while also keeping an eye on her siblings who were laughing and enjoying the show. A piece of me broke. Kingsley would have known exactly what to do, but here I was, stretched between two places, feeling like I wasn’t quite whole in either.
Holding On and Moving Forward
We are still piecing ourselves back together, one moment at a time. Some days, we laugh; other days, we cry. We lean on each other, on friends, family, and even strangers—because that’s what Kingsley would have wanted. He would have wanted us to keep going, to keep finding joy, and to be there for each other.
So, here we are, each day trying to show up, to live again. It’s okay to feel the pain, and it’s okay to live again. Grief is raw, it’s unrelenting, but it also brings us closer to what truly matters. We are learning to navigate this journey of laughter and tears, finding solace in each step forward.
I wrote about this in my latest blog, When Grief Leaves You Unraveled but God Brings Purpose, where I share these raw, real experiences. If you’re on a similar journey or just looking to understand, I hope you’ll find something in it that resonates with you. You can read it at toliveagain.uk.
To anyone navigating life after a loss, Remember that the pain is real, but so is the support around you. Each step forward is progress, even on days when it feels like you’re standing still. We cry, we laugh, we lean on each other. And we keep going, one step at a time. Let’s hold onto hope, lean on those around us, and know that it’s okay to live again—slowly, gently, but surely.
Thank you to everyone who has been there, who has sent a kind word, who has listened, and who has supported me through this and continue to support me and my family. Your support means everything. 💖🙏🏾
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