If Only Tears Could Bring You Back…

One year ago today, on October 18, 2023, we gathered for my beloved husband’s service of songs. Friends and family filled the room, sharing memories that brought smiles, but the weight of the pain was overwhelming. I couldn’t be more proud of the man Kingsley was, the impact he made in the lives of so many, but the heartache—oh, the heartache—it feels impossible to survive.

They say that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. But why did this happen to me when it’s clear I can’t handle it? Why did it happen to you?The loss feels unbearable, and the tears seem endless. Each day since Kingsley passed—almost 15 months now—I’ve cried, and every attempt to look at the photos from that day would bring me to tears all over again.

This month, I’ve tried to distract myself by staying busy, convincing myself that I’m managing, but my body knows the truth. There’s no hiding from grief. No amount of activity can erase the pain of missing Kingsley, my beloved husband, and the father of our children. The sadness comes in waves, some days bigger than others, but it’s always there. I still can’t believe he’s gone. It doesn’t make sense—he should be here.

Grief is unpredictable. Some days, I find comfort in our memories. Other days, the weight of his absence is too much to bear. It’s been over a year since we said our goodbyes, but the longing hasn’t faded. I just miss him, and I know that longing will never fully go away.

If only tears and the love we all had for you could bring you back, Kingsley. But until we meet again, may your beautiful soul rest in eternal peace.

Kingsley Ugochukwu Chimeremeze Iroegbu, you are truly Half Man, Half Amazing. Never forgotten. 💔

To all the widows or if you have lost a loved one, whether you’ve just begun this journey or you’ve been walking it for years, I want you to know that there is no timeline for healing. Grief is a deeply personal experience, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. Some days will feel impossible, while others may bring unexpected moments of peace. Allow yourself to feel every emotion without guilt—whether it’s sadness, anger, or even joy.

You are not alone in this. There is strength in reaching out, in sharing your story, and in finding small moments of comfort amidst the heartache. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to laugh again, and it’s okay to live again. Grief doesn’t mean you stop loving—it means you carry that love with you, and with it, you keep moving forward.

For those new to this path, remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding ways to honor the love that was shared while learning to navigate life in a new way. And to those who have been walking this road for a long time, know that your resilience is an inspiration. Even in your quietest, hardest moments, you are doing better than you realise.

Keep going, one day at a time. You are a testament to the power of love, and though life will never be the same, you will find new ways to live again.

For more on my journey of healing and learning how to live again, continue to visit my blog To Live Again at www.toliveagain.uk. You can also find my book, Walking Away the Grief, where I share how I’ve been coping with loss and finding new strength in this difficult path.